#SCBDReflection: I find my strength in my faith…

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Hey everyone! It’s me again, Sara, And I’m here with another reflection and how I’ve learned how to deal with my situation, life obstacles in general, and so much more. I’ll explain but God put it on my heart to share my testimony of faith this month. I’m far from perfect but God has made me such a powerful, warrior of a women through so much of my life and I couldn’t do it without faith, hope, and love.

Well first off, I’ll give you my background. Growing up, I was raised Jewish, because my mom was raised reformed Jewish. I did the whole nine- Bat Mitzvah, Confirmation, you name it, it was done. My dad is Catholic so I always was aware of Jesus and had a neighbor who went to Catholic school. Fast forward to 2009 when I first met my ex of five years. I was really close with his mom, she prayed for us and I was eventually lead to Christ. That’s when I was first saved and well introduced to a non-denominational church and soon after I was connected to the my college’s Campus Crusade for Christ. And this may actually be hard to believe but I actually didn’t drink from age 20 to 21. I had my reasons but it had a lot to do with my ex at the time. And this is very personal but for many reasons, I didn’t lose my virginity completely until I was 25. That may be surprising but it definitely affects a lot of how and what I do. And I can officially say I have no shame and proud of this woman I’ve become. But being connected to God again reassured me of my value recently. 

But anyway before we get into that and where I am now, lets back track. I honestly, don’t think I would’ve made it out of college in four years without my faith. Having a community to pray for me while things are tough is the most amazing feeling in the world. And I hope I can provide that for the people I love and people I haven’t met yet.  Constantly praying kept me grounded. It also kept me hopeful and gave me the strength to muster through any challenges. You’d never think for someone with all the determination and drive I have that I’d have some learning disabilities and ADD. But I do, I’ve tried medication and I hated it. I love food as you all know and I lost my appetite or barely ate sometimes on it so after college I took myself off of it. I’ve thought about natural meds, too but coffee and Focus Aid help. And of course prayer. You know the saying, “Ask and you shall receive?” and He really has come through for me and kept me so humble. I know I can’t do it without Him.

I was reminded last week to PRAY, pray without ceasing about everything I talked to you about in my reflection last week and just any difficulties I’m having lately. You see, even when I started this website my faith was strong. I came across my old IPod a few months ago which is from five years ago or so. Yes, they were tons of my favorite hip-hop songs, etc but there was also a whole lot of worship in there. As much as my relationship even at that point wasn’t perfect. I always trusted God. I am not perfect, never will be and I’m still learning how to be a “Good Christian” but I know God takes me for who I am. And He crafted me the way I am for a reason. And I couldn’t be more blessed to have an outlet to share my testimony in. 

Now lets move forward, I met one of my sisters in Christ, Hanna at one of my jobs that didn’t last back in February before I started working in a bistro on the line. God had been knocking on my heart again for awhile, and honestly I knew He had a bigger plan for me all the way back to July of 2015 when I had the worst accident of my life and am still surprised to this day I didn’t die. It was so scary but I was so focused on other things to numb the pain that I took it for granted but in my heart I knew there was more to it.  I learned a lot about myself and what I could handle working in the bistro. Working the line in a scratch kitchen isn’t for the faint of heart and despite all the post shift beers and drinks, some nights were rough and I’m pretty sure I started praying again. I also got hurt one night after service and fractured my ankle and could not work for a month. Of course I focused on myself and the blog more. Praise God, you’d never even know I fractured it as it was completely healed flawlessly. My mom is still in awe that it didn’t get worst.

In June I got laid off from the bistro, we were slow and I wasn’t exactly getting my knife cuts down for part of the menu in my station. I hated working brunch on Sunday. I was on doubles and I honestly started missing church. Hanna had told me about her church but I had a long commute to work and was working ridiculous hours at the job we worked at and another job at the time so I didn’t. I probably needed Jesus more than ever then, too. I was overtired, making terrible decisions, and just falling into the ‘industry’ trap and it didn’t help that I was still heartbroken by the last guy I talked to and thought I was going to be with at the time. Those blurry decisions continued during my time at the bistro. I got let go on a Friday in June from the bistro and that Saturday, ironically Hanna was back home from her missions trip in Dominican Republic. So that Sunday, I found myself sitting in the sanctuary of Princeton Alliance Church and I’ve been going ever since. I also started going to Immerse (our young adult group on Wednesday night), it helps keep me sane throughout the week.  If you are one of my avid Instagram followers you saw one night I was out with one of the guys I used to see in AC after church then had a retreat that weekend. The retreat changed my life, I gave my heart to God again. And after being a believer on and off for 7 years I finally got baptized because I wanted to and I was ready. You see, I thought maybe my ex and I would get baptized together when I was in LTR. And I hesitated and didn’t do it as much as I knew I believed so finally I did it all by myself in front of my Immerse family. 

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Ironically it was on Father’s Day. I came home so happy. But its not easy, I’m the only believer in my immediate family. But I’m hoping God will use me with that too. And the week I came back I started my demo show. And God has carried me through this crazy journey the past six months. Its been a huge blessing and lesson because I’ve learned so much a long the way whether its been mistakes, film quality, recipes, guests, going live and so much more. I realized last week once again, I need to continue to work on me and organize my somewhat messy life. Which I actually need to put into action, like yesterday. Like I said I am work in progress. But I was reminded last week though through all these trials, changes, and more He is always there for me to lean on. “Cast all your cares upon Him, because He cares for you.” And I realized I’ve been handling  all of my worries so wrong lately and making it hurt me instead building me  into a stronger, Woman of God. It didn’t help  that I was missing church on Wednesday’s due to work a lot last month. I have some anxiety issues if you haven’t noticed, and I love to plan as much as I can. But through this realization I’ve gained the control I need to stay positive and hopeful. Now it’s all Trust, Trusting Him. 

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God has opened the key to my big heart again and I do feel like I’m ready to love again, the right way. Which is still a huge challenge for me because I’m passionate by nature but I need to start giving myself to the right people and learn doses. And as much as it may not be so “Christian” per se, I am all pro masturbation and using vibrators in the meantime. I don’t know if I’ll go completely celibate anytime soon. Especially since I’m kind of talking to someone who I mess around with a bit and its amazing but I’m praying about that, too because that person means a lot to me. And I secretly hope God has intentions for more. And it’s kind of hard to play the field when you know what you want but I’m not discounting anyone who has been trying lately because its fair. But until then, I will pray and prosper. And I hope it makes me stand out in this crazy dating pool. I just have to stay true to myself and Jesus through the process. Just thinking about it makes me feel stronger. 

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I’m blessed everyday… I may not completely have it together but God blessed me with me these superpowers I would never change for  the world. I get to connect with so many people by doing this and I’m closer to achieving my goal. I’ve been recently provided with the job I’ve been wanting so I just have to remember how I blessed I am to have it and prosper in it. I’ve been blessed with amazing friends who don’t think I’m nuts, except maybe crazy passionate which is fine. My brothers and sisters in Christ are amazing and I love my church. I’m constantly working on praying more.  I hope this not-so but little glimpse of my testimony can help you, whoever is reading this. I knew it was time to do it. 

So I guess that’s my testimony, maybe I’ll make a video of that, too. I’m sure I’ll be back with more crazy content soon, including some interesting reviews. Life is short, just had to remind you all, whatever you believe to be a blessing. So I leave you, still incredibly flawed but filled with so much GRACE and MERCY, thank you Jesus. Cheers to giving what we can’t control up to God and to becoming a better person and being molded into the wife for the right one, slowly. Patience, patience, patience. He’s put it on my heart so much this year. Everything you’ve always wanted is there but be patient with me and let me work in you. Good things come to those who wait. Well, with that I say AMEN. 

 

SO MUCH FAITH HOPE & LOVE…. Sara XOXO

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