She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor.
Hey loves! It’s me, Sara. In my last reflection Dear Beautiful. I kind of told you where I was at. Well that was just the beginning, I’ve been taking a lot of time to look within and trust God since then. And maybe made a few more mistakes a long the way but sometimes you have to grow through mistakes to truly be victorious.
(PS: Hope will be writing some reflections as well going forward so you get to hear her struggles and perspective. Our lives are completely different so it’ll be great for you all. My next reflection will be on my relationship with food before and since starting this baby.)
Since I’ve been single, I’ve always been ‘with’ someone, so many situationships and almost relationships for someone I’ve really fallen for and wanted more from but they could never love me how I deserved or commit for selfish reasons. And I always gave them more than they had earned and went out of my way for them. I’m honestly really disappointed in myself that I’ve let myself settle for half ass anything. I am person who goes hard for something she loves, why not be full in with someone?
Maybe its fear? I’ve always had a fear that I’d die alone.
I highly doubt that’ll happen, but I’m really trying to be patient. And grow alone. I usually don’t have trouble or time to grieve losses I’ve cut but this last one has been almost eating me alive. Which isn’t healthy either, but maybe it’s because I let that person in so much and I very rarely let someone in that much. And maybe because they helped heal so many of my previous heartbreaks that I didn’t think they’d do the same. Because they did. And its the most unbearable pain, almost worst than my six year LTR (long term relationship) because I’ve known them almost as long.
I know its cliche but they say time heals all wounds.
I can’t wait to wake up one day and not wonder why he hasn’t texted me or checked up on me. When memories from how we talked so often a year ago won’t bother me. They warm my heart but I know its over. I miss my best friend. But I guess some risks are worth the fall. And growing apart is okay. I have no choice. People come into our lives for reasons we can’t always see. I have a show I’ll always love now and so much more. No regrets…
I’m slowly turning to God. And I have a great church community. But last week I hit my biggest rock bottom and have a big trial ahead of me. And it’ll change my life and lifestyle for so many reasons. I’ve also decided to go on a dating fast for a year which I hope will fly by. Spending more time working on myself, staying healthy which means a detox by choice, prioritizing a few things I’ve had on the back burner, and letting the right people in. People who actually appreciate, pray for me, and support me. And make this letting go easier. I know there is so much more better out there for me and I can prosper in the meantime but it is a process I need to grow through.
Giving myself to God and being patient to see what He has for me. Trusting He will use my gifts for the greater good and my trials to help others. And my testimony to glorify Him. And using this brand for so much more than it is on surface level.
I believe I need a man of God. Which most men of this world are afraid to become or own up to. A warrior, someone strong and who can be committed to me. But i will be patient, and let God pursue me and accept how strong of a woman I am because I am not controlled or weak. Also someone who can lead me closer to God and grow more in love with Him like I am. This is rare, hard to find but something I will wait for.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
So this is where I leave you. Broken but hopeful, ready to be filled by the Love of God. Ready to be the strongest little cooking, ninja you’ve ever seen. Less and maybe no alcohol on my demos but I promise they are going to be great. And my brand will finally be growing the way I want it to and I will be become better myself. I know everything can be turned around and I see it happening slowly. In a world where we have Instant Gratification and things right away I’m learning to rest and be patient and rewarded. But it’s something I struggle with but I’m learning.
I’ll be back in a few weeks, as I’m taking time to work on a project I’ve promised for a few months now and want to have an amazing launch. As well as planning out my on site visits for the summer a bit more than I have. And of course taking time for and care of myself and spending time with God and more. Don’t worry there are workouts and recipe development included in that mix as I’m laying low key for a bit as well social media wise.
I am so blessed to have this support system I have going forward.
Stay tuned for more, more projects I don’t want to half-ass so be patient with me.
Thank you for all your support, and keep a look out for new content as that’ll be starting more daily this week.
God Bless XO